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Are You Worth It?

Someone wrote this week:

I am a young married guy and I am desperate for help. My wife wants to leave me…. I have been married one year and I’ve had a porn problem since I was 12 years old. It’s not getting better. We tried therapy for the last couple of months, but we can’t come down to the reason why I can’t stop. Please help me.

A member who is sober in the 12-Step fellowship for many years, responds:

Dear friend –

Before I got to the program my life and marriage were also a serious mess. I saw no way out.

But, I have been sober for many years now, and my marriage is better than it ever was. And so is my life.

As far as counseling goes, I also went to a psychotherapist when my wife first found me out. We were getting divorced, it seemed.

Together with the shrink we agreed that I’d work on my porn problem for a while, and then we’d tackle the marriage issue and decide if we should divorce, or not.

But I didn’t stop.

The shrink was flabbergasted every time I’d act out with porn! He just couldn’t figure it out, and neither could I.

I guess I just felt deep down that I needed porn more than I needed my marriage.

When I finally got desperate enough to get into serious recovery (and after switching shrinks), I got sober in the 12-Step program and got the help I needed. The dust started to clear over the next year, and things slowly got better at the same time.

And by the way, I never needed to figure out why I did the crazy stuff and why I can’t stop. For all I know I still can’t stop!

I got help because I know that I can’t do it alone. I tried for a long time.

How long have you tried for? How’s it working?

And I still need help because I still can’t do it – but I am sober one day at a time so far, without any ‘pressure building up’…

And every single aspect of life is better this year than it was last year, no question. It was not easy, but what’s that got to do with it? To me, the only question is: “Am I worth it?

Are you?

I think you are. We all are. We all deserve a porn-free life. An obsession-free life.

If you haven’t yet, my advice is: join a group and start working the steps. I hope they do for you what they have done for me.

I love you and all the struggling people out there who are looking for help. I pray that we can be part of your solution.

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