How to fill the void we feel?
It’s obvious that one of the strongest triggers that make us turn to porn is a sense of inner emptiness. A hard day at work, a strong sense of meaninglessness, a desire to escape to a place of comfort, and there you have all the conditions needed to make us dive into a world of fantasy, deep into obsessive use of porn, where we can find a moment of peace. The problem is, of course, that this is a false peace, with a very short expiration date.
So what are we supposed to do with this emptiness and void?
One way to deal with it is to try to fill it with something external; the other way is to try to fill it from within, internally.
Before I started the program, I tried the first option. I felt empty inside and tried to fill the void with every possible endeavor, but I still felt empty inside. Always empty. I thought that getting married would solve the problem, or if I were busy enough it would help. If I moved, if I found another job, if I got up early, If I… (fill in the blank), that would be my solution.
The problem was that it just didn’t work.
I always tried to control the external landscape of my life, and I was convinced that by doing so the problems of my inner mindscape would be solved.
When I got to the program, I learned that it was exactly the opposite. First I have to take care of the inner landscape of my life, and leave the external landscape to God.
This doesn’t mean that I should put my feet up all day without doing anything. I have to do my part as much as I can. But, instead of focusing on changing my life, myself, the world or the people around me; the real work is to focus on living today well. The real work is acceptance, self-compassion, patience, gratitude, faith.
Just today I came across a quote that really explains what I’ve learned in the program (I’m not sure who wrote it):
Your true self already knows you have an open invitation to have fun playing your part in life. It knows that when it does not seem like fun, it’s time to bring wisdom to it. And when wisdom fails, we need to bring patience. And when patience is in short supply, we need to bring acceptance and faith. And when acceptance is difficult, we need to bring gratitude and more faith. For gratitude and faith reverse any belief that something that is going on in our lives – should not be happening. Your true self is the voice that is calling you to find peace. Listen to it.
I feel these words are true for me. Something inside me recognizes that this is the truth.
Before I got to the program I was looking for my lost car keys under the streetlight instead of looking for them where I’d lost them. An inner void can never be filled with something external. An internal vacuum can be filled only from within.
The program pointed me in the right direction. If you need this gift as well, maybe you should join our group and start working the steps. I look forward to meeting you.